#aplatonic questioning

[itsoktocallmegay]

Friendly reminder that aplatonics are queer. It’s so disheartening to see so much aphobia be directed towards aplatonics. The A includes all aspecs.

[aplatonic-questioning-sapphire]

Finally happy, but still no friends

In the past I struggled a lot with low self esteem and my avoidant personality disorder. Then also depression hit me on top. So I looked for professional help and found a great therapist for me who helped me a lot. It took some time but I am finally happy and contented with my life.

And I realised that my desires changed. I never had real friends, but I thought I wanted to have friends in the past. I thought something is wrong with me. I envied other people who had fun with their friends. But I also liked being alone and found social contacts quite exhausting sometimes. And when there was someone, I wanted to be friends with, then there was allways another kind of attraction, romantic or sexual. Nowadays this urge to have friends is gone. I no longer feel that I am missing out or that I need to have friends. I am okay the way I am. And I am at peace with this. I don't need friendship or a relationship to be happy.

Until two years ago I never thought I could be this happy on my own.

While reading about aspec and different forms of love, I realised that I don't really feel platonic attraction and never have been. But I do feel romantic and sexual attraction from time to time. So I think that means I am an allosec alloro aplatonic?

I am not repulsed by platonic relationships though. It's a nice concept but not for me.

(I hope I got the terms right. Still learning.)

[serahblue]

It's PRIDE MONTH!!!

Shout out to those who are:

Gay

Lesbian

Intersex

Nonbinary

Trans

Asexual

Aplatonic

Aromantic

Agender

Xenogender

Pansexual

Bisexual

Questioning

Polyamorous

Genderfluid

Unlabeled

Stay safe and enjoy this month :D

[small-bug-in-the-woods]

hey could someone pretty please explain the labels aplatonic and afamilial to me?

bc i get the general gist of like aro or ace but with platonic and familial bonds (i think that’s what it is?), but (and i apologize for my slow silly brain) how???

how do you just not have/want to have friends?? or am i just off with the meaning?? would it be offensive to you if i called you my friend? or is it more like you just have no desire to make friends but sometimes you just wind up having them???

and afamilial, is that just you don’t feel like your blood family is family (bc i get that so hard) or is it you just don’t consider anyone family? like no found family with your friends??

i am so sorry if i sound stupid or like im trying to invalidate people, i am just genuinely confused, these are all well meaning questions but please tell me if any of them are offensive

i want to support you, please explain to me what this means so i can back you up

[u5eername]

who up nothing their common human emotions and traits

[aro-culture-is]

sorry if this isn't the place to ask, i'm just feeling really dumb right now and the blogrunners here are very good at explaining things in a kind way i can understand: how do aplatonic people think of the people in their lives if not as friends? i don't ask to be judgemental, i'm really sorry if my question sounds rude, i just want to know if most aplatonic people see their (nonromantic, nonsexual) relationships as purely transactional or if it varies from person to person. i maintain a lot of impersonal transactional relationships myself so i get that, i'm just curious

hiya! i think this is something that's more of a personal question that varies among aplatonic folks.

we (the blog runners) are a system, with some members alloplatonic, others apl-spec, none who primarily identify as apl currently. Our apl-spec headmates usually call individuals we're close with our friends, in a similar way to how ace people can have sex and aro people can have romantic relationships - it's not exactly the same, but they don't feel strongly about not calling those people friends. they feel no particular drive to hang out with specific people, thought they may do so for an assortment of reasons. those are often either transactional, about maintaining relationships with people that our system values, or about community building and care, which we are very driven towards. (as in, regularly start up connections for the purpose of community building and forming affinity groups)

I'll also encourage other folks under the apl-spec to respond to this via reblogs!

note: Our blog preference, to be clear, is that we do not receive follow-up asks from anons on previous topics, as it just gets pretty confusing to navigate. when our inbox used to be in the 6-7 hundreds regularly for this blog, we'd often have asks from over a month prior appear and disappear from the inbox by just... refreshing the same page. thank you for understanding!

[one-blaze-of--glory]

saw a post about friendship crushes that I didn't reblog purely because I don't want to derail there was nothing wrong with it but it's always fascinating to me to see that perspective. y'all have those?

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Questioning NPD + APL culture is feeling physically repulsed when you think about the idea of people liking you, or wanting to befriend you- but also thinking you SHOULD like me and look up to me! But you don't deserve to be close to me at all.

.

[psychotic-tbh]

I need more autistic friends (but I’m apl questioning and also struggling with my own autism and masking related to it??)

I find that finding each other—while it comes with its own challenges (*cough cough*, communication struggles)—it’s still very comforting and rewarding :3

But unfortunately I’m also at maximum mental capacity for making friends 24/7 to the point where I’m questioning whether or not I’m apl spec 😭

Any advice is welcome ?? :(( especially if you have advice on communication between friends because I think that’d help

[hermit-pride]

Day: 29.

I've had a bit of a lightbulb moment lately. While I have a handful of acquaintances, I've never really experienced what I would call a "true" friendship. I often wonder if it’s worth diving into, especially considering the emotional ups and downs that come with it. In the past, I’ve tried to cultivate friendships, but honestly, the emotional return just didn’t justify the effort. It’s a bit like my struggles with plants—I seem to have a knack for killing them, too, probably for the very same reason. Nurturing relationships, whether with friends or flora, takes patience and care, and sometimes I find that tough to manage.

For many people, the desire to maintain friendships is incredibly rewarding, making that pursuit feel almost instinctual. However, when I crunch the numbers on my own social connections, I often find myself coming up short, time and again. It’s a puzzling conundrum that leaves me reflecting on what truly matters in relationships. And why would I need to sacrifice my alone time.

[foolishfynnesse]

Questioning whether I’m actually grayplatonic or if it’s just the AuDHD.

Lmao help /srs

[our-aplatonic-experience]

NOT HATE MAIL GENUINE QUESTION I JUST WORD THINGS WEIRD /GEN

do apl folk choose not to have friends? is it like the same spec of repulsed, neutral, open as aspec/arospec where some are repulsed by friendship, but others are neutral or open to it?? im so so sorry if these come off as rude, i love my friends very much so the idea of being aplatonic confuses me so i want to understand

yeah pretty much, some apl people hate the idea pf having friends, some are fine with it, and others (like me) like having friends! theres a lot in between those as well, its very similar to aro and ace.

[apl-culture-is]

Platonic-favourable Apl culture is constantly questioning if you are actually apl or if you are just a lonley allo

.

[yeye-hiro]

Just learned about aplatonic and afamilial. Aplatonic I get it and all, but I'm a bit curious about afamilial... Not in a bad way, It's interesting, and... Idk, I mean, I thought people didn't think that much about family bond? I thought it was just like a platonic relationship? Like, I love my sister, I consider her my best friend like a daughter I should protect, because I saw her growing and all that stuff, of course I have a bond with her but it's because I was there all along, and I believe if it was someone's daughter I would feel the same, wouldn't I? If I never saw her at all I would never love her the same way, probably not even love, probably not even care. What is exactly a "family bond" of isn't platonic? I should feel something with my family even when I almost never saw most of them?

[your-pal-nebula]

Question for aplatonic people (I'm sorry if this comes off as ignorant or rude somehow, I'm not aplatonic I'm just actually wondering)

Do you feel the desire to be friends with animals? Like, pets if you have any? It is just humans you're disinterested in or just all friends in general?

[felix-01000101]

Genuinely can't tell if I'm aplspec, or just depressed/neurodivergent.

I have always felt immensely lonely in my life. I was sure the reason for that was because I didn't have any people I'd consider friends. I was in friend groups, yes, but I'd always hear about people planning activities with their friends and going to cool places and I'd always feel so jealous, because no-one ever invites me to anything. At first I thought I wasn't being social enough, so I tried to force myself to be more social with my then friend group (which probably led to the drama that caused me to pretty much cut them off completely). I'm now in a completely different group of friends. We get along well, but if no-one's cracking jokes or engaging in conversation with my specific hyperfixation, it can be hard to have a decent interaction with them. Plus, I have the nagging feeling that none of them are ever going to actually be my true friends and if I open up about myself too much, they're just going to leave.

I'm not sure if any of that yap is evidence of me being aplspec, but I can say for sure that I don't really know what the concept of having a best friend is like, but I really long to have SOMEONE I'm close to. Anyone.

To be fair this is coming from the person who is unable to differentiate platonic and romantic attraction so